12 June 2013

Killed By Kindness

After centuries of religious control and violence, most Europeans now thankfully live in the real world.
We believe that tolerance and welcoming others with open arms is admirable, and essential to being part of humanity.

But therein lies a horrible flaw: accepting something has no bearing on whether it is compelled to accept you in return.

We've made a mistake in applying that good intention in welcoming islam to our lands and in sacrificing our own values for the sake of tolerance towards the intolerant. 
We just sit back and watch, paralysed by the threat of violence, as it multiplies and speeds to a point where sheer numbers alone will gain it control.

Every single day for years now, the news has at least one report of violence committed in the name of islam. I am sick of the predictability.

Yet the apologists still maintain its a few 'extremists'. Every single day, a few more 'extremists' commit some attrocity. Not such a small minority is it? How can it be?

It's obvious, really, that these 'extremists' are not really extremists at all; they are just the ones that following the rules of islam more precisely. There are millions of those. And they want you dead and are assured a place in heaven if they succeed ― a win-win situation as far as they are concerned.

It is no surprise why islam must be this way. It was born out of war, violence and absolute control. 

Slowly and surely the parasite is eating its hosts from the inside, eroding anything that causes offence. And everything causes offence. And it lashes out the only way it knows how ― with violence.

There is no security force that could protect us every minute from the threat. There is nothing stopping them killing anyone ― it takes seconds to kill someone. 

We spend billions on this and have to be under constant surveillance. We've lost our freedom twice over: once from islam and once from our own protective forces. Just because we have this strange compulsion to allow this menace to live with us.

You can continue to show compassion to this religion. You can go on convincing yourself its just some extreme minority that makes all the problems. Trouble is that might eventually kill you, your children, a friend or a neighbour. 

It should be returned to whence it came. If that makes you feel bad, then that proves you are a caring human. I am not suggesting violence, I am suggesting its removal much like the removal of a cancer ― necessary and a matter of the host's life or death.

In the meantime, I will watch the news tomorrow and see the same farce played out over and over again. Same excuses. Same bodies.

Addition: since writing this, the Boston bombings and the brutal massacre of a man just walking along a London street both occurred. 

Addition: Prime Minister Cameron just announced a list of measures to tackle 'extremists'. We never learn.

2016 Addition: Since writing this article a couple of years ago, we have seen ISIS, terrorist attacks in France and Germany, and multiple rapes & assaults throughout Europe. Yet the media still reports it is a 'radicalised' minority: they have their own country for crying out loud, and very few "non-radicalised' speak against it for fear of death. There is only one flavour of islam, with one aim. Read the Koran yourself if you will not believe what people say online. 

18 January 2013

For I Am A Lazy God

God was snoring again. 

A minor angel, who was god's housekeeper looked on in disappointment, muttering that he never tidied a damn thing.

God read her thoughts and woke. "You calling me lazy?!" he boomed.

"Actually, yes I am. You've been in that bed for 250 billion years now."

"Don't exaggerate. It's only been 248 billion."

"Don't you think you should do something?"

"Oh very well. I think I will make stars and planets and mortal life. Should take 7 days."

"7 days? I thought you had infinite power? Can't you do it before lunch?"

God snorted grumpily.

Six million years later the phone started ringing. God was asleep, as always.

"Boss, you've got thousands of mortals trying to contact you using prayer, asking to stop earthquakes and disease. And quite a few would like more money.  Shouldn't you take their calls?"

"Stuff and nonsense. I've got things to do," he yawned, checking his schedule. "Oh no, my mistake, got nothing on for the next 20 million years until Judgement Day.  God almighty,  I've been rushed off my feet lately."

He collapsed back into his pillow.

Commandments For Dummies

“This meeting is convened. Those present are god and the high council of angels,” announced The Speaker.

“First on the agenda: Making a list of moral rules for a new book for the mortals down on Earth," he continued.

 “Oh! Oh!  I know one!  Killing is bad. Tell them that, “ said Obvious Angel, raising her hand in excitement.

“Well they wouldn’t have got this far if they had gone round killing each other would they? They’d all be dead by now.”

“No work on the holy day!” suggested Dull Angel.

“Are you sure, should we encourage then to be lazy? What if they break this rule?”

“Death!” chorused the delighted angels merrily.

“But didn’t we just say killing was bad?”

Awkward silence.

“I got one, “ said Trivial Angel “No more graven images of false gods!”

“Ahem, just how did the mortals learn about false gods?” inquired The Speaker.

“They just made them up, because they never actually saw a real god.”

“They made them up?!!  They believe in something they’ve never seen! Preposterous!” said Gullible Angel

God yawned, “Yes, yes, all very interesting, but you are missing the important rules”.

“Do tell?”

“No gays and no eating pork,” declared god.

“At last, someone talking sense.” stated The Speaker.

13 April 2012

God's Good Slave Guide

Wheres the best place to shop for slaves?
Well, the best deals are to be found abroad. Enslaving foreigners is really the way to go.  Naturally, the idea of racial equality is frowned upon by the all-loving one.
From Leviticus 25:
"However, you may purchase male and female slaves from among the nations around you. You may also purchase the children of temporary residents who live among you, including those who have been born in your land."

How to get the most from your slaves?
It's perfectly ok to impregnate them or do what you like with them. They are only property after all. It's not like god made us all equal or anything silly like that.
More joy from Leviticus 25 :
"You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance."

What do you do if your slave stops working or develops a fault?
Just do what you normally do when things stop working properly - hit it.  But not so hard as you break it permanently, as that would just be unreasonable.
From Exodus 21:
 “And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.
But, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for the slave is his money.”
Does this guidance apply to slaves bought recently?
Are you worried that everyone's favourite bearded good guy, Mr J.Christ,  would disapprove of slavery? 
Fear not! 
From Ephesians 6:
"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ."

Anyway, I am off to check my auctions on Ebay as I'm bidding on some very reasonably-priced slaves. It's a batch of ex-criminals from Saudi Arabia, all with one-hand missing, but otherwise totally unused.
Sounds perfect, as I've never liked buying secondhand goods anyway.

10 July 2011

Since you believe in no god, why bother writing about it?

Atheists bother because we genuinely care about what religion has done and continues to do to our world.

We observe how it affects us, whether that effect be tangible such as suicide bombing, or ideological such as when it tries to change the law to restrict our freedom.

What most atheists find especially despicable, the highest pinnacle on the mountain of religious immorality, is the brainwashing of children. These innocents are indoctrinated in dogma before they are even old enough to consider for themselves what is true and false, what is right and wrong. They are shackled in obedience, ever fearful of divine retribution for their failures. They are blood-soaked from instilled bigotry and hatred, so much so that many will gladly die for the cause.

This is child abuse, impure and simple. And this wretched and most viscous cycle will repeat ad infinitum, unless hopefully, one day, it is finally broken and peace prevails over this madness.

We've had enough of it.

Any doubters need look no further than the fundamentalist christians who actually want the end of the world to come, so they can experience their so-called rapture. Some of these people are now holding significant political positions. How long will before such a deluded believer actually has access to launching all-out nuclear mayhem and self-fulfilling the Armageddon prophecy.

Similarly, Muslims believe they will be actually be blessed for their suicide and martyrdom.
This level of psychosis can justify anything as being righteous and the will of god. This is the blind-eyed face of true madness. This is the lurking darkness in a world that is beginning to emerge into the bright light of reason.

All the major organised religions dream of us living once again under their submission, where heretics can be silenced at a whim, as they still are in some countries today.

Doing nothing hands them the winning card, the permission slip, the green light. Doing nothing is to risk repeating the cycle of stupidity that has held back mankind for centuries.

One thing is certain about tomorrow: several people will be killed because of religion.

That's why we must bother.

28 June 2011

Cannibal Catholics

I find it incredible that even that famous cesspit of immorality, Catholicism, willingly buys into this obscenity:

Transubstantiation:  The belief that the bread and wine in a religious ceremony are actually transformed into the 'living' flesh and blood of Christ, for the followers to eat and drink.

How revolting. Why is this vampire cannibal cult allowed in our society?

Cannabalism is illegal in most countries, so they should be reporting themselves to the nearest police station.

Load of muppets.

26 June 2011

The Farce Of Faith

We are told to "Have faith in god."

For what possible reason would a god want us to have faith in itself?

Why not just show us a face?  No, images of Mohammed on cheesecake really don't count.

Why hide?

Imagine parents creating a baby, then disappearing after leaving a book for it to read one day, explaining "We love you but you cannot ask to see us, just believe in us. Have faith. Oh, you had better worship us too, or there will be trouble."


An all-powerful god would surely be above the need to be worshipped too. What possible ego trip could a billion praising fools offer to a being that already has unlimited power?
If it really did desire that, the easiest way to make that happen would simply be to appear and reveal the truth.

This holy hide-and-seek is just plain silly.
People have been counting with their eyes shut for 2000 years and still no "Ready! Come find me!"

22 June 2011

Invisible Friends

Let us imagine some people in the far future, unearthing a copy of 'The Lord Of The Rings' and deciding it is the one and only gospel truth from god.

They would go round retelling the anecdotes of Gandalf The Wise Wizard, twisting his tales to explain any situation:

"When Gandalf blew all the Orcs to pieces , he was actually telling us to love our enemies by destroying the dark side within ourselves!"

They'd terrify children with stories of the evil one.

Believers would show true devotion by wearing little replicas of The One Ring around their necks, representing how the hero, a humble hobbit, was (almost) sacrificed for the good of us all.

They would proclaim, "It must be all true because it's written in a book and lots of others believe it, so it must be true."

As its numbers increase, those that disagree might be persecuted or even killed. Fanatical followers would teach the unbelievers a lesson by crashing aeroplanes into their buildings, or forcing them to sing really dreadful hymns.

When cynics ask where the Hobbit is now, they will be answered with smug comments like "Duh, read The Book, his Ring makes him invisible. And he is watching you sinners!"

Members of the one true new religion would go on to be spiritual advisors, form governments and become teachers. They would make decisions about everyones lives and control their money. They would instruct children in what is true and what is deception from the evil one.


Isn't it about time we stopped giving religion recognition, money and power?

Isn't it about time we stopped granting it special status with its nonsensical traditions, secondhand stories and reinvented holidays?

Isn't it about time we stopped humoring people that believe they have invisible friends, that in any other situation would warrant psychiatric treatment?

Claiming "Oh, but it's about belief" doesn't excuse it or add any value to it.
It's the same as believing Zeus is in my underpants, Kermit the Frog is real, or that I must kill you with a spoon because an alien in my in head tells me to.

Religion needs to be relegated to the embarrassing pages of human error it, before it wipes us off the face of the Earth.
How long until some religious lunatic in charge, who believes the world will end shortly anyway, decides to help it along with an extra-large portion of mushrooms?

And the book tells us that Hobbits really love mushrooms.....

7 March 2011

The Ten Punishments

A lot is said about the ten commandments that Moses received on stone blocks from god.  What is not often mentioned is the ludicrous punishments for violating these rules that go hand in hand with them.

(Incidentally, I would've expected god to make use of technology a little more advanced than a chisel and a block of stone.  Receiving them on an iPad would've been far better proof of the divine origin of the words. But no, oddly enough, god used only the primitive techniques available to people in that area at that time....hmmm.)

1.Thou shalt have no other gods
The punishment is to be stoned to death.
Out with the notion of respecting your neighbours beliefs, in with the big rocks.

2. Do not make images of anything in heaven
The punishment is a curse.
So all those crucifixes people wear with men on sticks are violating this rule.
Curiously, it also forbids making images of things under the earth and in the water. So you had better stop painting that picture of a halibut right now.

4. Remember the Holy Sabbath
The punishment is to be stoned to death.
My local McDonalds opens on Sundays so I am compelled to go there with a brick and inflict some holy justice on those heathen burger-friers.

5. Honour your parents
Seems a nice rule. But wait, what's the punishment?
Yes, you guessed it, death. Yey!

6. Do not murder
Does anyone seriously need to be told not to kill people?
What kind of psychopathic retards actually need this spelling out.
How the hell would they have even got that 'far' if they had thought it was fine.
Did the masses, on hearing this gem of wisdom, all suddenly stop their daily drunken murderous rampages and ask "What?! This is bad now?"
The penalty is death, obviously.

7. Do not commit adultery
Are the guilty couple to be imprisoned or shamed?
No! Death, death and more death!

8. Do not steal
Perfectly good and sensible advice. But what's this? The punishment is...is....drum roll.....death.
No messing about. You took that bread to feed your starving family, now you must die.
I admit to stealing my unused napkin from a restaurant yesterday. Perhaps I should now commit suicide by repeatedly bashing my head on the pavement.

9. Do not bear false witness against your neighbour
Punishment by death. Saw that coming.

10. Do not covet
Thought crime. You can't even think bad thoughts. How did those birdbrains know if someone was breaking this rule?
"Excuse me Jacob, are you coveting my ox?"
"No, absolutely not. I was just thinking it's lunchtime soon. I was thinking about a juicy steak. Err, no, not steak...I mean soup, oxtail soup, err, no no no, I mean tomato soup!"
"That's ok then."

Do I even need to write the punishment?

But surely there should be more? Where are things like 'Thou shall not commit incest, rape or support slavery.' No, they are all fine, thanks.

So, there we have it.  How to live your life according to the views of a load of backward goat herders from the ancient middle east.

As a side-note to any Christians saying 'These punishments don't count anymore because it was all in the old testament', stop kidding yourself, because the new testament says the old rules are still to be obeyed.
As to why your god is such a bumbler he has to change the rules at half-time is another matter.
The point is, either way, your alleged god wrote these rules, so what kind of psychotic does that make him? At best, a psychotic with amnesia.

22 February 2011

Tower Of Utter Babble

The Tower of Babel by Pieter Brueghel the Elder (1563).
The story goes that people wanted to reach heaven, so they built the Tower of Babel.  God was angered, just for a change, because the tower was getting dangerously close to his home patch.

This is, of course, a dead-giveaway about the ignorance of the ancients as to what exactly is above the clouds, a view apparently shared by god. Doh.

Funny also that god has turned a blind eye to the thousands of much taller structures built since. Perhaps he's just winched heaven up a bit.

At some point it occurred to these wise people that since almost everyone had lovingly been exterminated by god's epic flood at some point before, then people should all be speaking the same language, the language of the few survivors....

The bible comes to our rescue by telling us god was so threatened by the cooperation of the tower builders that it was he himself that split man's speech into hundreds of varieties.
That'll teach the bastards to work together when they should be using their time more productively to kill each other and sacrifice pigs.

Now this god says we have to follow his word or be doomed. And he thinks the best way to ensure this is by making sure there are thousands of different languages, only a few of which can read the holy scriptures.

What a bungling buffoon.

18 February 2011

The Soddom & Gomorrah News

'Good evening, this is The Soddom & Gomorrah News Network, your best choice for local events happening in the region.
Tonight's breaking news: An angry crowd is forming outside of respected local resident Lot. 
Over to our roving reporter, Sindy Moore, live at the scene."

'Yes, am standing outside of Lot's house now. The crowds are going wild and demanding he releases his two visitors."

'Do we know why they want them?"

'A spokesmen for the crowd is holding a banner reading Bugger Strangers, so you can draw your own conclusions from that.'

'Grim. Any word from Lot, who is under siege in his own home?"

'Lot appears to be shouting through a window, telling the crowd they are being rather rude to want his guests for wicked purposes'

'Sindy, do you....'

'Sorry I am going to have to interrupt you. Lot has come up with a diplomatic solution. Instead of handing over his two visitors, he has given them his two daughters to use as they wish. Brilliant move there by Lot.'

Later that day.....

'In Sports News, today's chariot death race ended in a zero zero score draw.
Now for an update to the Lot story. God himself has ordered Lot and his family to leave town as it's about to get a major makeover. Our reporter, Sindy Moore, is again at the scene.'

'I am running alongside the Lot family as they flee the burning city. Flames rampage through the town. It's chaos. And the Big Man himself, the Supreme Bearded One, has just instructed the Lot family not to look back. Oh! Mrs Lot has failed! She tried taking a sneak peek over her shoulder. She's been turned into a pillar of salt.'

'What?! Just for looking? Sindy, hello?......
 We seem to have lost the connection as our reporter is now apparently a big pile of black pepper.'

What a glowing example Lot is to us all. His daughters were equally impressive, when they decided the best way to continue the family line was to get him drunk and become impregnated by him.

Remember kids, the holy bible is a source of great morality for us all. Especially if your father is also your grandfather.

Genesis 19:6-8 Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.”

Genesis 19:31-32 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

15 February 2011

Blissful Ignorance

Consider a country in which nobody had ever heard of a particular religion.
As far as they were concerned it didn't exist, until someone told them about it...

Before that 'happy' event there there no wars over it, no brain-washing by it no segregation enforced by it.
Sounds blissful doesn't it?

Let's look at the dilemma of missionary preacher Mr. Frederick Arse, in a far away land, trying to convert some local villagers.

Friendly Villager "What about our people that already died without hearing about god? Will they go to hell?"

Frederick Arse "No! God doesn't punish those who had no chance to hear His Word !"

Angry Villager "So, why did you tell us about it then? Now you might have damned us!"

Frederick Arse "Um, well, God told me to."

Suspicious Villager "Why couldn't he tell us himself, if it's so important?"

Frederick Arse "Look, he's got other stuff to do, Ok?"

Wise Villager "You told us he was all-powerful."

Frederick Arse "It's God's will and cannot be questioned."

Sometime later...

Frederick Arse in a cooking pot "You can't do this, I am a man of God!"

Hungry mob "So are we, even before you came. And our god Muhahatiti tells us to eat non-believers."

Frederick Arse in hot water "Get me out, see reason!"

Salivating Mob "It's God's will and cannot be questioned."

Unfortunately, we can't wish religion away after it becomes known, just as Frederick Arse found to his peril, but we can damn well try and make people see just how dangerous,stupid  and totally unnecessary it is.

Don't be an Arse.