9 December 2010
God Pulls The Plug
God pondered the state of the world.
"It's all gone horribly wrong. The people are just too bad. Time to start over. Again. It's not my fault, it's theirs. However, since I am all-loving, I will save the family of Noah and two or more of each animal.
Hmm, I could click my fingers and wipe out the bad people. That would avoid the animals and innocent babies from having to suffer. Booorrrring. Fire? Nah. I got it, water!"
Noah looked at his checklist and made a mark as two antelopes calmly boarded the ark.
"I hope that's one male and one female. What am I, an expert zoologist now?" shrugged Noah.
"326th door on the left please. Mind the lions and tigers on the way."
"What the hell is a tiger?" thought the antelopes, moments before they were torn to pieces by 15 kinds of rampaging canivores, including a claustrophobic Tyranosaurus Rex.
Just 69,250,567 species to go.
"What's this penguin thing?" he thought to himself, "This kangaroo can't be real, it sounds ridiculous, how can I believe that even exists, unless I see it for real? And just how am I going to dig up two of each type of ant and worm?"
The ark was now in uncharted waters on a quest to collect a pair of Yellow-Spotted Amazon Salamanders.
"Christ almighty," said Noah in a momentary burst of blasphemous precognition, "Where is the Amazon and what is a salamander anyway?"
He was suddenly distracted as he saw the devastation that had already been caused on a nearby village.
The waters rose. Babies cried, animals screeched in terror and people screamed to be saved.
Noah explained there was no room at the moment, but he would be sure to sent a message via dove-mail should a vacancy become available.
The ark was looking like a mess, not to mention the stench.
Noah pondered how he was going to muck out 25,000 mammals.
"I`m in deep shit here," he said, ironically.
Posted by Grumpy Atheist at 01:29