3 January 2011

Planet Of The Silly Apes

(c) Bongo Primitive
There once lived a tribe of brown monkeys and a tribe of white monkeys that both worshipped the same god, the Great Ape. 

Later, their god had a son who told all kinds of strange prophecies and did all kinds of miracles, so was known as Monkey Magic.

However, the brown monkeys became suspicious and said that Monkey Magic was talking bananas and tied him to a tree and threw coconuts at him until he shut up.

Meanwhile in a neighbouring country, a tribe of red monkeys were busy rallying around a new leader, Monkey Nuts.  He revealed to them that the one true god was not the Great Ape after all, but one called The Even Greater Ape Who Has A Turban And Long Beard.
They felt the need to tell everyone this new truth, so they went crazy and attacked all the other monkeys all over the world,  in order to spread their new religion of peace.

The white monkeys were not having any of that! Their leader, a particularly splendid and rich White Infallible Baboon, sent armies of white monkeys to sort out those damned red ones.

Some time later,  there was even in-fighting within the white monkey communities.  Wagging tongues were saying that the leader, the White Infallible Baboon, was actually just an arse in a silly hat.
So the white monkeys eventually split into two tribes and tried to resolve their differences by massacring each other for the next thousand years.

And they all never lived happily ever after.

What a ridiculous planet of silly monkeys.

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