22 June 2011
They would go round retelling the anecdotes of Gandalf The Wise Wizard, twisting his tales to explain any situation:
"When Gandalf blew all the Orcs to pieces , he was actually telling us to love our enemies by destroying the dark side within ourselves!"
They'd terrify children with stories of the evil one.
Believers would show true devotion by wearing little replicas of The One Ring around their necks, representing how the hero, a humble hobbit, was (almost) sacrificed for the good of us all.
They would proclaim, "It must be all true because it's written in a book and lots of others believe it, so it must be true."
As its numbers increase, those that disagree might be persecuted or even killed. Fanatical followers would teach the unbelievers a lesson by crashing aeroplanes into their buildings, or forcing them to sing really dreadful hymns.
When cynics ask where the Hobbit is now, they will be answered with smug comments like "Duh, read The Book, his Ring makes him invisible. And he is watching you sinners!"
Members of the one true new religion would go on to be spiritual advisors, form governments and become teachers. They would make decisions about everyones lives and control their money. They would instruct children in what is true and what is deception from the evil one.
Isn't it about time we stopped giving religion recognition, money and power?
Isn't it about time we stopped granting it special status with its nonsensical traditions, secondhand stories and reinvented holidays?
Isn't it about time we stopped humoring people that believe they have invisible friends, that in any other situation would warrant psychiatric treatment?
Claiming "Oh, but it's about belief" doesn't excuse it or add any value to it.
It's the same as believing Zeus is in my underpants, Kermit the Frog is real, or that I must kill you with a spoon because an alien in my in head tells me to.
Religion needs to be relegated to the embarrassing pages of human error it, before it wipes us off the face of the Earth.
How long until some religious lunatic in charge, who believes the world will end shortly anyway, decides to help it along with an extra-large portion of mushrooms?
And the book tells us that Hobbits really love mushrooms.....
Posted by Grumpy Atheist at 09:17